dry spell

Okay, can you believe that dating consulting is actually a career path? Seriously, these people get, like, 2 grand a pop to teach guys how to pick up chicks. Here's a hint, guys: BUY US DRINKS. Don't be a skeezeball about it, and definitely don't assume that every girl who accepts a drink from you is obligated to fellate you in the back of your Rav-4. Buy enough drinks for enough girls, and one of them will probably be charmed enough to want to talk to you. Some more hints, while we're at it:
- Don't go on and on about your job like it's interesting. If you sit in an office all day long, think long and hard about whether your career is something we'd want to listen to an in-depth description of.
- Don't fucking talk about any of your exes, ever. It's not like we assume you've never had any, but it's just annoying and it breaks the mood. And especially don't talk about them while we're making out.
- Got kids? Chances are, we'll be cool with it, but you should at least mention it at some point soon after we meet. And don't talk about them ceaselessly. That gets old real fast.
- And, oh my god, don't check out other girls while we're talking. It's disrespectful, and if you want to go talk to other girls worse than you want to talk to us, we might be a little pissed, but we'll get over it.
- Do get creative. Once, I met this guy at the Sunset and he asked to put his number in my phone (that sounds sexual, but it really wasn't), but instead, he changed my startup message so that it said "Hi Jewpacabra, call P-----." It might've been creepy, but at the time I thought it was cute. Do something like that.